also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
