Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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