Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
