i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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