i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
