Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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