From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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