I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
