This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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