one two three fourrrrnication!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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