I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
