Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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