Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
