I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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