Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
