i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
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I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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