and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
