I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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