there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
