i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
