My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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