would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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