his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The best revenge is premature balding
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My bed smells like the plague
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
