I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
