Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
