I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
vagina is talking i cant
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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