omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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