Will you blow on my dice?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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