Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
