i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
