I showed him my bush... on skype.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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