everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Someone signed my nipple.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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