Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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