That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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