Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
