I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
