so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
