96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
