Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
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I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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