I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
