I skipped work to stalk him.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
