take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
