he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
