i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
