I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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