I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
