I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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