so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
