Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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