My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
