3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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