she was so not down for the gang bang
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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