The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
