Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
