I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
