Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
