And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
