Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize