omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she woke up with a sticky ear
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
