Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
