The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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