dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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