i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
