Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
we should paint friendship bongs
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