ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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