i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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