I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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