im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
