I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
COCAINE IS GR8
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
