They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
