I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
